he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
