Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
