Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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