The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My life is pants optional.
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