At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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