boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
