There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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