I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
