my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
