i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize