Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have post one night stand depression
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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