I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
