hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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