We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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