I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
