DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
