Fuck appropriateness.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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