Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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