Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will be naked everywhere
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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