Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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