just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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