You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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