I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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