then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
