Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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