so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize