If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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