Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
