Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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