believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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