he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize