We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
