I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
