I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize