Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jerry, you need to find god
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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