Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize