remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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