careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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