Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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