Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
