I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
