He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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