Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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