Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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