Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
