So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
