I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
