I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
