Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this hospital has no fireball
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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