You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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