just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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