He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize