Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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