I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
