Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
