remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
