Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
