This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
