I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
