I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
