it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
