your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Shame - the story of my life.
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