I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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