Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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