But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
