omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
