yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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