wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
