So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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