How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
