I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
